Oh, how I remember.

November 4, 2010
October 1, 2011
October 14, 2011
October 17, 2011
October 31, 2011
November (October) 27, 2011
December 3, 2011
November 27, 2012

I’m going through my pictures and I came across all of our pictures. I can’t delete them. They’re the most memorable thing in my life. I honestly miss you. I miss holding your hands. When I’m in class, I’m just thinking about what you would be texting me around that time, and always having that “Goodmorning baby, how did you sleep” .. It sucks not waking up to that anymore. It sucks that we can’t be together and later on I have to suffer seeing you with someone else and having someone else make you happy and feel loved. Honestly, I wonder everyday what you did or going to do with the stuff I gave you. Burn them? throw them away? keep them? I know I haven’t thrown anything away, I can’t. Not even my feelings for you. But there’s nothing I can do. I tried my hardest to get you back because I said I wouldn’t give up. It came to that point where you probably don’t feel the same. It’s okay. It’s how life is, and one day I will learn to accept it. I understand a little to what you have told me yesterday, But I just didn’t wanna believe it. I didn’t want to understand. I only wanted to understand what I knew and believed what I wanted. But I should be lucky that I could be your friend rather than nothing at all, and I rather have that. I can’t wait ‘till we can hang again and everything, just let me know when. I know you’re happy with your life now because you’re doing things you love to do and I know you couldn’t do that with me. I don’t know how I’m getting through this. I don’t .. I feel hurt and sad but at the same time, happy because you’re happy. I told you, if you’re happy, then I am as well. But anyways, thought I’d write a little something because you deserve some closure rather than always hearing my complains and trying to get you back and what not. Like I said, I haven’t gave up, but I guess I have to let go slowly. I’ll always love you, like I’ve told you everyday. Wonder if you meant the same with me? Who knows. Can’t say I never tried. I’m Sorry. It was nice knowing you. Thank you for a lot of things. Teaching me a lot of things. Learning to love and care for someone. Thank you for teaching me and having me learn from my mistakes. & One day, we’ll be able to build a friendship one day.

I’m going through my pictures and I came across all of our pictures. I can’t delete them. They’re the most memorable thing in my life. I honestly miss you. I miss holding your hands. When I’m in class, I’m just thinking about what you would be texting me around that time, and always having that “Goodmorning baby, how did you sleep” .. It sucks not waking up to that anymore. It sucks that we can’t be together and later on I have to suffer seeing you with someone else and having someone else make you happy and feel loved.

Honestly, I wonder everyday what you did or going to do with the stuff I gave you. Burn them? throw them away? keep them? I know I haven’t thrown anything away, I can’t. Not even my feelings for you. But there’s nothing I can do. I tried my hardest to get you back because I said I wouldn’t give up. It came to that point where you probably don’t feel the same. It’s okay. It’s how life is, and one day I will learn to accept it.

I understand a little to what you have told me yesterday, But I just didn’t wanna believe it. I didn’t want to understand. I only wanted to understand what I knew and believed what I wanted.

But I should be lucky that I could be your friend rather than nothing at all, and I rather have that. I can’t wait ‘till we can hang again and everything, just let me know when.
I know you’re happy with your life now because you’re doing things you love to do and I know you couldn’t do that with me. I don’t know how I’m getting through this. I don’t .. I feel hurt and sad but at the same time, happy because you’re happy. I told you, if you’re happy, then I am as well.

But anyways, thought I’d write a little something because you deserve some closure rather than always hearing my complains and trying to get you back and what not. Like I said, I haven’t gave up, but I guess I have to let go slowly. I’ll always love you, like I’ve told you everyday. Wonder if you meant the same with me? Who knows.

Can’t say I never tried.

I’m Sorry.
It was nice knowing you.
Thank you for a lot of things.
Teaching me a lot of things.
Learning to love and care for someone.
Thank you for teaching me and having me learn from my mistakes.
& One day, we’ll be able to build a friendship one day.

After what had happened and not hearing from you afterwards, made me feel worst.

So can you do me a favor, if I pull it together, make it sooner than later. We won’t be here forever and I realized I waited too long but please don’t move on.

I feel dumb sometimes just bothering you, texting you, and even trying to check up on you. I’m always never the one to run back unless it’s my fault. And that’s why I’m trying to run back to you but I know you wouldn’t take me back. Due to your decision. It sucks, it really does. Everyday, I think about how much things could have been okay if I just avoided the situation and not be such a brat. I always think “what if I didn’t do this and that…” .. Whether you’ve told me so many times about how it’s not my fault, I still and will blame myself. I blame myself for a lot of things and some times I just wanna say sorry. Even if you think I wasn’t at fault at anything. I’m sorry I’m always bothering you and texting you, and trying to even call you. I just hurt a lot when I don’t hear from you. I’ve honestly stop crying because I know it was for the “best” for both of us, but it hurts. I wish this was just a break between us, not officially a break up.

I honestly wonder if you still think about me, or even still have feelings for me. I remember telling you that I’ll always have a piece of you in my heart whenever we were never to be together, and I’m keeping that. You really taught me how it is to love someone and to be loved. To care someone and to be cared about. Maybe I’ve had my “first love” already, but I didn’t feel it as much as I did with you. I just wanna poor out my feelings to you and what I’ve always had for you since the beginning, but I feel it wouldn’t even matter anymore. It would suck, later on, to see you with someone else. I’ve told you that multiple times. I can never see myself with someone else even if God has someone better for me. I really just want to fight for you. ‘Cause you mean a lot. I want to fix things and change so I can be with you again. I’m sorry..

I wish you told me how you feel about everything
Its so hard to focus when these things I see remind me of you.
I really can’t stop thinking about you. I just wanna talk to you.
I still really wouldn’t mind going to my prom with you.

Only if you’re willing to. I’ve been waiting for that day to only go with you.

“Not giving up but also not getting my hopes up”

So I know you check my tumblr because how else were you able to tell me things that you told me last night? Haaa. Anyways he helped me a little bit and I’m really surprise I didn’t cry or get hurt especially after seeing your mom and brothers.
I’m not a churh go-er and was never into these things until you came around. I’ve been closer to him than ever. Even tho I did what I did.. I knew it was wrong. Throughout this whole week I’ve been down but I know God has done It for a reason. That was for me to enjoy my senior year and to be with my friends and do things that I haven’t done. I always spent my time with you and deep down God knew I wanted to be with friends too and focus on other things. And I know he has done the same for you. You’re a busy guy and have things to focus on and happy about. He has helped both of us to do things we weren’t able to do without one of us being upset. He helped us from struggling and stressing out.

It sucks tho because there are times where I want to talk to you and what not like send you pictures of things I see on instagram or facebook and just laugh at how much it relates to us. I miss a lot of things. But this is our break time (I think so lol) . But just know that I’m not giving up on us but I’m not gonna get my hopes up either at the same time. I have too strong of feelibgs to let you go. But I want God to shiw us where were meant to be. Just hope maybe another chance can help. Although he’s helping me get through this and help me to change.

Just don’t leave my life completely.